Diana Prince's Diary

villains apprehended: 30 (excellent); Buffy episodes watched: too many to count; fights with Batman: 12 (good?); guilt trips from mother: 1 (v. large)

Whew! Such a hectic month. It’s like the holidays bring out the worst in people. Have stopped one bank robbery a week since Thanksgiving—v. exhausting but also satisfying.  Also wonderful to see superhero community helping each other out so much this time of the year. Clark popped over to Keystone City; Hal’s helped out in Gotham; Dinah’s been in Star City quite a bit (although I think that has more to do with Ollie than helping). Even Batman has been less grumpy! Babs got the Birds together last night, and we volunteered at one of the Gotham shelters to hand out coats. For as cruel as my mother believes this world to be, there is also good in humanity, especially at this time of year. 

Speaking of which, was really looking forward to celebrating proper Christmas this year with the Kents (Mrs. Kent has been insisting I join them since their Fourth of July Barbecue this summer). But Mother insists I must be in Themyscira for Winter Solstice Festival. “It is imperative you celebrate with your sisters, Diana. I will not accept a decline to this invitation.” 

Ugh.

Am now feverishly digging through closet for ceremonial robes and throwing things in bag before Etta comes over for drinks and gift exchange—Holy Hera! Have not gotten Mother a Solstice gift! Crap crap crap crap! 

turkeys eaten: 2 (not just by me!); episodes of Buffy watched: 8; hours spent with BFFs: many and blissful

Had annual Justice League Thanksgiving dinner at Wayne Manor. Each year Alfred invites the entire team over for dinner (have finally stopped pretending it was Bruce’s idea). Alfred is amazing cook, his turkeys were delicious. He also made sweet potatoes with the little marshmallows on top that I love so much. Clark brought his parents this year, his mother made a wonderful cornbread stuffing and pumpkin pie. Bruce was actually cheerful and did not fight with anyone!! Truly a Thanksgiving miracle. 

Was already in Gotham so decided to visit Babs for a couple days. Saturday night she invited Dinah, Zatanna and new Batgirl Stephanie over for “Buffy marathon”. Babs hacked Netflix and Hulu so has full libraries, even stuff they’re not streaming yet (v. lucky to have Oracle as friend and not enemy). 

Had not seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer before - Stephanie was very surprised I’d never seen it, “Buffy’s like the whole reason I became Batgirl! She’s just so kick-ass and awesome!! …well, I mean, I’ve totally looked up to you like forever, Wond—er, Diana. And Babs too! …and um Dinah too and… oh look! Giles is in his action tweed.”

Steph was right, Buffy is totally kick ass!! This is the greatest show ever!! Am now hooked! Also love Xander and Willow and how supportive of Buffy they are. Yay friends!

Stayed up v. late watching show and eating lots popcorn and talking. Great quality time with best friends. 

alcohol units: 12, tables danced on: 2, fights with Batman: 1?

dianaprincesdiary:

DINAH’S BACK! Best friend Dinah back in town after long trip to Gotham. Much celebrating! And dancing! And tequilaaa! Puny mortal tables could not withstand our epic dancing!! Puny mortal bar could not keep up with our drinking!! May have called Batman after being asked to leave second bar. Or he called me. Must check voice mail. Did NOT text ex-boyfriend and scoundrel Steve Trevor!! Ha!! Behold my successsffxvsvh

—oops! fell over. I love you, tumblr. need bed.

alcohol units: 12, tables danced on: 2, fights with Batman: 1?

DINAH’S BACK! Best friend Dinah back in town after long trip to Gotham. Much celebrating! And dancing! And tequilaaa! Puny mortal tables could not withstand our epic dancing!! Puny mortal bar could not keep up with our drinking!! May have called Batman after being asked to leave second bar. Or he called me. Must check voice mail. Did NOT text ex-boyfriend and scoundrel Steve Trevor!! Ha!! Behold my successsffxvsvh

—oops! fell over. I love you, tumblr. need bed.

villains apprehended: 0 (v. poor); cats saved from trees: 4 (?!); fights with Batman: 1

Still on surveillance duty but sentence has been lowered to one week, not two. Not sure how afternoon bickering with Batman ended like this, but will be superheroing by the weekend! Hurrah! 

Odd thing happened on way to Watchtower this morning though: I saved four cats from high trees. It started with one. Was walking to coffee shop in costume because it’s laundry day and was stopped by little girl asking for help with kitten in tree. Rule #1 of Superheroing: Do not say no to crying children in need. 

Flew up to tree and got kitten. Girl was v. surprised I could fly.

“I thought you had the jet thingy?” 

“I do. But I can still fly.”

“But why do you need a plane when you can already fly?”

One of the on-lookers asked, since I could fly, could I also help get his cat out of a tree. This happened with TWO MORE PEOPLE. Who knew people were so careless with their felines?

But about the flying thing and the jet - just to clear this up - flying is not easy. It’s a physical activity, like running. So just flying to Themyscira is exhausting, even with the Strength of Hercules and the Flight of Hermes. Sometimes you just need an invisible jet. Do people ask the Flash why he has a car? Hmm. Must ask Wally. 

villains apprehended: 1; oreos eaten: 12 (v. poor); lewd comments from Green Lantern: 4 (oh. hell. no.)

Surveillance duty is SOOOOO BORING! Understand it is valuable, if not time-consuming and mind-bogglingly tendious, part of the superheroing process. But it’s SOOOOO BORING!

Spent first shift of Batman-instated exile with J’onn, who is lovely and shared his Oreos with me. He also helped give me some perspective on situation with Batman. Wish more of Earth’s men could be like the Martian. Managed to spot meteor shower headed toward International Space Station. Was able to dispatch Superman, Green Lantern, and Hawkgirll to handle problem and prevent any damage from occurring. Relationship with Shayera still a bit tense. Really should not have punched her. 

Stuck with Green Lantern for second shift. Hal is not lovely. Hal is also old air force buddy of ex-boyfriend and scoundrel Steve Trevor. Pounded Hal’s head into control boards after fourth inappropriate comment about tying me up in my own lasso. Surprisingly NOT written up by Batman, instead Green Lantern now stuck on surveillance duty for two weeks. Batman also apologized for perhaps overreacting during whole Toy Man debacle. Clearly, Alfred made him pancakes this morning. 

Nabbed purse-snatcher on way to meet Etta for movie night. Hurrah! 

villains apprehended: 0 (total failure); fights with Batman: 3; drunk texts to Steve Trevor: 4 (v. bad)

Very, very bad! Woke up on the couch with Minerva (my cat, not goddess) licking large bowl of mac-n-cheese. Remnants of disastrous night. 

Post-heroics drinks started out v. well. Etta met me at posh bar with proper wine list and everything. We were half way through first bottle when Bruce Wayne turned up. Hate him! Was trying to avoid eye contact as did not want Justice League boss interrupting good time with best friend. But Bruce came over anyway!! With two vapid socialites on his arm!! (Etta called them “celebutards” but I don’t think that’s a v. nice word).

Bruce introduced me as “Princess” and “Embassador of Themyscira” and blah blah blah. HATE when he does that. Had enough to drink to call him out on it. Did not go well. 

Ordered second and third bottle of wine with Etta. 

In cab home JLA pager goes off. Message Batman: “Global threat. Report to Watchtower immediately.”

Reported for duty in full pants as could not find star-spangled bottoms while tearing through apartment. Was written up by Batman (obviously) for N-52 Dress Code Violation and CCA-54 Intoxicated While On Duty. Placed on surveillance for next two weeks as punishment - v. bad. 

Global threat was Toy Man. TOY MAN! Clark wrapped up whole situation in 3 minutes and still made it back in time to finish date with new reporter girlfriend. NO REASON for Bruce to page me other than to ruin evening out with friend! Had enormous fight and stormed out of Watchtower. May have punched Hawkgirl on way out (must call to apologize). 

Called Etta but she was back at base. Was so upset, ended up making giant bowl of mac-n-cheese, drinking beer, and watching Jean Claude Van Damme movies till all hours of the morning. Even worse, sent text messages to ex-boyfriend and scoundrel Steve Trevor! 

Saved absolutely no one. Feel like total failure. Must endeavor to do better tomorrow. 

villains apprehended: 3 (v. good); bullets deflected:13; fights with Batman: 1 (excellent)

Great Hera! Slept through alarm again and was late to report to Watchtower. Batman v. upset. Must not let Etta convince me that beer pong tournaments are good for diplomacy. Uneventful surveillance shift at Watchtower followed by thwarting a bank robbery on way home. Handed three villains over to police and saved lives of 7 people in the bank. Feel like proper superhero! Off to celebrate with Etta and wine!